Let’s get really honest for a minute.

As a stepmom, how often do you find yourself ruminating about the ex?

Or dwelling on an issue that you have no control over. 

Or wondering about what happens over at the kid’s mom’s house

Or even doing a little creep on social media.

Do you ever find yourself spiralling and worrying about issues that may or may not happen years from now?

Look, we’ve all been there. 

This role brings out fears and insecurities that many of us didn’t see coming. 

I think we can all agree that this is not a good use of our time and energy. 

Our time and energy are a limited resource that we can never get back. 
Where we put our time and energy can make a huge difference in how we feel and the life that we create.
It can make a huge difference in our stepmom experience.

Here are 9 things that confident + secure stepmoms don’t do.

They Don’t Creep The Ex On Social Media

It’s 2024. We’ve all done it. It’s a natural urge.
But if you’re doing it repeatedly, I encourage you to ask yourself WHY?

What is the point?

Chances are it’s either triggering you or leading to gossip and jealousy.
There is nothing positive coming from this creep session.

They Don’t Focus On How The Kids Are Parented At The Other Home

This is a big one for stepmoms, especially when they have different parenting styles than the other house.

It’s common for stepmoms and moms to judge each other’s parenting and look for flaws.

Maybe your concerns are valid BUT the reality is, you can’t control how she parents or how she shows up for the kids. She’s their mom and she gets to choose.

Try refocusing your energy towards your own and relationships in your own home.

Yes, it can be upsetting when you don’t agree with what’s happening over there. You love these kids. You want what’s best for them. But your best may be different than hers, and that’s okay. 

They Aren’t In Competition With The Ex

Confident secure women aren’t in competition with the ex. They embrace differences and are confident in showing up how they want to show up. They know that when moms and stepmoms are in competition with each other, the only one who loses out is the kids.

They Don’t Focus On Their Partner’s Marriage With The Ex + The Past

Confident secure women know that their partner’s past is in the past.
The lessons they learned from their past relationships shaped them into the person they are today.
They know that their partner’s past has nothing to do with their future together (except for all the ways it does but you get what I am saying, haha).

Enforcing Rules That Your Partner And The Ex Aren’t

This is a recipe for a disastrous relationship with your stepkids.

They Don’t Worry ABout Expectations Placed On Stepmoms In Society

They know that what works for one stepmom may not work for another. They don’t subscribe to the unrealistic expectations and double standards placed on stepmoms in our society.

They are committed to their partnerships and do what’s best for their blended family.

They Don’t Sacrifice Their Mental Health And Well-Being

Period.

They Don’t Play Tit For Tat

If the ex doesn’t send clothes back, they don’t do it back out of spite.
If the ex doesn’t say yes to a vacation request, they don’t encourage their partner to do the same.

They do what’s best for the kids in any given situation.
They’re’ above the tit-for-tat conflict.

They Don’t Feel Guilty For How They Feel About Being A Stepmom

They give themselves grace. They know they are human.
They have educated themselves on the complexities of stepfamily life.
They know that two things can be true at the same time. They can love their stepkids but not love being a stepmom.
They can like their time with their stepkids and enjoy their solo time with their partner.
They can be excited to see their stepkids while also having anxiety about the visit. 

I made a shift this year and am only working with a certain kind of stepmom.

The stepmom is ready to take radical control of their life.
The stepmom is ready to accept things she cannot change.
Who wants to go from feeling overwhelmed to empowered.
Who knows the only person she can control is herself.

No b*tching.
No complaining.

Just radical action.

With my signature framework, I’ll show you how to:

Stop feeling so triggered
Revamp your mindset
Set boundaries with love
Disengage without disconnecting
Improve relationships
Improve the vibe of your home

And show up as the best version of yourself.

If you’re ready to redefine your stepmom experience, CLICK HERE to join over a thousand other stepmoms doing the same in KICK-ASS Stepmom.