I love back-to-school season! For me, September is more important than January when it comes to setting goals and getting back into routine.

I’ve been a stepmom for over 11 years now. My stepkids are now 21, 20 and 17 so we are out of the back-to-school stress trenches.

Even so, we still make a point to go in as proactively as possible.

I also vividly remember the stressors that showed up during this time of year.

Back to school shopping – who does it? Who pays?
Extracurricular schedules – let’s talk about the awkwardness that can happen at the hockey arena.
Transitioning belongings between homes
Getting on the same page about homework and routines
Different parenting values.

It can be a lot.

Every year at back-to-school time, my husband and I like to sit down and consider ways to improve our family’s management. 

When we were in the trenches with 4 young kids, we found that the more prepared we were, the smoother things ran.

This annual check-in has been game-changing for us and has helped us to start each school year off feeling organized and prepared. (Well, as organized and prepared as we can be).

Here are 5 other things you can do to help manage back to school as a stepmom this year.

1. Revamp Your Morning Routine

This is a great time to revamp your morning routine so that the mornings go more smoothly. I firmly believe that the way you and your family start the day plays a huge role in how the rest of the day goes. 

Here is a glimpse into our mornings:

5:00 am: I wake up, have my coffee, prepare for the day and get some work done before anyone else in the house wakes up.

Having this alone time in the morning is an integral part of my self-care regime and something I highly recommend.

7:30 am: Kids wake up

• Get ready 
• Make bed 
• Brush teeth 
• Tidy room 
• Have breakfast 
• Make lunches (the older kids make their own)
• Off to school

Note: When my stepkids became teenagers, the routine wasn’t as strict. They woke themselves up and managed their time – with the odd reminder, of course!

Remember the goal is to raise responsible and independent kids! Let’s empower them – even if they don’t do things exactly the way we do.

2. Get On The Same Page As Your Partner

Back-to-school is an excellent time to get back on track with rules, structure and routine within the household. Before the first week of school hits, sit down with your partner and get on the same page about the rules and expectations for the kids. 

The key here is to make sure that both of you are committed to sticking to and enforcing these rules. It’s really important to ask yourself if your expectations are attainable with your schedule and the dynamic of your family so that you can remain consistent. 

For example, in a perfect world, we would have our daughter Reese sleeping every night at 8:00 pm. However, with our extra-curricular schedule, we’re often out of the house until 9:00 pm, so setting that expectation wouldn’t be realistic. 

Another example, my husband loves a good movie night with the kids. When we were first married, I was very strict on bedtime while he was more easygoing. If he and the kids were in the middle of a movie, often our “agreed upon” bedtime was pushed back. It used to cause major issues between us. 

Now I’m far more flexible and take a “don’t sweat the small stuff” approach to these rules. For us, a strict bedtime wasn’t attainable or something we were both committed to enforcing – so now we have a bedtime range. 

I highly recommend involving the kids in this process. Ask them what they think is reasonable for a bedtime. Ask them what they think is reasonable for any chores or expectations around the house. Ask them what they think about your morning and nighttime routines. 

I’ve found they are more likely to follow through if they feel like they have been a part of the process.

3. Get On The Same Page As The Ex

If possible, check in with the ex about rules and expectations. It’s ideal to be on the same page (or at least a similar one).

To do this, you may have to be a bit flexible and open to compromise to come to an agreement. However, in my opinion, the flexibility is worth it when you’re able to have consistent expectations between the houses. 

Remember, in the big scheme of things, half an hour between bedtime or curfew doesn’t make that much of a difference. 

The more consistent you can be, the easier the transition for the kids. Don’t get caught up. Play the long game. Look at the big picture. 

Seriously.

Note: If this absolutely isn’t possible, don’t sweat it. The kids will adjust either way. It’s ideal but not necessary for co-parenting success, and in some high-conflict situations the less communication the better!

4. Decide Who Is Responsible For What

If you don’t have a co-parenting plan in place, before school starts, decide who is going to be responsible for what when it comes to everything regarding the kids. 

Hot lunches, school trip payments, expenses, extra-curricular equipment, running shoes etc.

This helps prevent misunderstandings and missed deadlines. 

This is especially helpful in high-conflict co-parenting dynamics because it minimizes the need for communication throughout the year. 

Again, if this type of communication isn’t possible, think back to last year and reflect on any situations where there was a miscommunication about who was responsible for it. Consider taking it on yourself all in the name of preventing conflict. 

Remember: Sometimes, peace is better than being right.

Want to see our co-parenting plan? I share a copy straight from the court docs inside KICK-ASS Stepmom. You also get access to a guide on how to create a co-parenting plan, even if the ex isn’t on board.

5. Be Patient On Transition Day

Transition day can be difficult for kids. They just get used to routine and expectations at one house and then they have to move to the next. For the first day and a half, I am always more patient about expectations with the kids. I kindly remind them of things that they forget, so that they can get back on track. 

To be honest, as someone who loves consistency and routine, I cannot imagine how unsettling it would be to be shuffled around each week. I do what I can to support the kids to adjust and get back on track. 

Remember: They didn’t sign up for this. 

If you’re looking for more tips and straights on how to
– be proactive not reactive with your stepfamily life
– minimize triggers
– improve the vibe of your home
– disengage without disconnecting
– and communicate with your partner about your stepfamily stress without causing a big arse fight…

I share this and more inside KICK-ASS Stepmom. Click here to learn more.